Senior Bob's Weekend

How was my weekend?  It was awful.  It was either too hot or too cold, the traffic was bad, and there were too many Mexicans everywhere.

On Friday my wife and I went to the movies but it was too hot when I got in the car and the traffic on the way there was terrible.  When we got there the movie theater was too cold and the movie had too many Mexicans in it, and all the scenes looked like the actors were too hot and there was a chase scene with really bad traffic. 

When we got home it the house wasn't hot enough or cold enough and I couldn't check the traffic report on the television because all the Mexican news anchors could barely speak English.  I made some soup that was too spicy which reminded me of Mexico and how terrible the traffic must be down there in that hot weather.

Saturday morning I made some coffee that was too hot then I let it sit until it got too cold.  I went outside to get the paper and all these Mexicans were driving around like dingbats and I think one of them caused a traffic jam.  I sat outside and drank my cold coffee in the blazing hot sun while reading the traffic reports in the paper.  Then I got to mowing the lawn but it was too hot out so I hired a Mexican to mow my lawn but he wasn't going fast enough so I hired two more until there was too much lawn mower traffic on my lawn and the lawn mowers started over heating.

On Sunday I got up early to avoid traffic on the way to Church but my wife kept turning on the air conditioning which was too cold and it was too loud so I couldn't hear what channel the traffic report was on on the radio.  I eventually turned the air conditioning off to hear the radio and found out that I was on the damn Mexican station, and by that time the car had gotten too hot already.

What did I learn?  Between every car on the road there is air that is either too hot or too cold that is getting breathed by Mexicans, I reckon. 

- Senior Bob

Weird Sketch

 Some weird sketch I made a while ago.

Hair Today Hair Tomorrow, an Essay by Urch Deepreach

If someone were to have come to me as a small boy and told me that I would pursue a career in the study of hair I would have not been surprised.  However, I did not pursue a career in hair science, rather it is just a fleeting hobby.  I find hair to be radically important in the construct of our society.  For instance, one can easily discern the ethnicity of another by examining their arm hair.  Red buoyancy?  You must be Scottish.  In Renaissance times, those of lower status were breed in such a manner that their hair could not grow beyond four inches, in an attempt to distinguish between the nobility and the lower class by hair length.  Nonetheless, hair of all types plays a key role in our lives.

But what is hair exactly?  According to dermatologists, hair is the product of cellular waste, thus, the more waste our cells expel, the richer and thicker our hair grows.  In fact, in extreme cases of constipation and long absence from bowel movement, waste expulsion through hair can result in chunky, sinewy deposits known as dreadlocks.

There is much controversy over the value of hair.  For instance, many men become troubled when they begin to lose hair, yet become equally as troubled when gratuitous hair appears in their food, or wedged generously within a woman's underparts.  And why is other people's hair welcomed when it comes in wig form yet rejected when it presents its self on the floor of a subway cart?  This idea is known as Sampson's paradox, and continues to be studied by leading dermatologists today. 

Some argue that dog hair carries superior value to human hair, as consumption of the hair of the dog is known to cure ailments such as hangovers.

Like many parts of our planet, hair continues to be a mystery that has yet to be solved.  At least we can still wonder about it in the meantime.

- Urch Deepreach, Professor of Mathematics at UCB