Jason & Caitlin

My brother and his wife at a hookah bar in Denver.

Self Portrait Black and Blue

Cage Party

I recorded myself several times over to create the sound effect of a cocktail party full of Nick Cage's.

"It's Herman Cain" Steve Reich style phasing

This is my salute to composer Steve Reich's phasing piece, "It's Gonna Rain", as well as the great sounding name, "Herman Cain".

Herman Cain Books

Herman Cain has produced some insightful reads.

Delivery Men

Delivery Men is a short I wrote for my Short Script class.  It's about a man who must choose between his Bean Man and his Berry Man.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B9ZD0JUpxGggZjBiYWUxODYtOGExMy00YjQ2LWFmN2YtNTM4YjM1MDQ1MzE1&hl=en

DeSean Jackson Funny Music

I always wanted to set a DeSean Jackson highlight reel to this song.

Braco.

Chewbubble, The Wookie Gum!!!

Sketches

Garageband Song 2

I've been messing around with Garageband on my ipad.  This song is made exclusively from me whistling.  I recorded myself whistling in various ways, then manipulated the sounds and played them out on a keyboard. 

Beans

I doubt anyone on the planet will relate to this, but I think inventing names of different kinds of beans that don't exist is hilarious.  Here are some examples.

Moon Beans
Sugar Beans
Sea Beans
Monkey Beans
Sad Beans
Eagle Beans
Phone Beans
Chimney Beans
Jungle Beans
Funny Beans
Tumble Beans
Bread Beans
Christmas Beans
Car Beans
Mustard Beans
Natural Beans
Angry Beans
Patrick Beans
Music Beans
Milk Beans
Pumpkin Beans
Poor Beans
Cream Beans
Apple Beans
Fur Beans
Lunch Beans
Window Beans
Tree Beans
Pillow Beans
Street Beans
Urkle Beans
Walking Beans
Fan Beans
Babble Beans
Table-top Beans
Bush Beans
Loser Beans
Paper Beans
Wish Beans
Corn Beans
Maple Beans
Hat Beans
Grumpy Beans
Picture Beans

If you have any suggestions for other types of non-existent beans, please "callment" on the link below, it just may make my day.

Herbie Mann's new album, Push Push

Critics are raving about Herbie Mann's new album, Push Push

"Listening to Herbie Mann feels like hot passion is raining inside me" - The Daily Smear

"Push Push will press its sonic body against the window of your soul" - Leather Magazine

Tracks include...

1. Sticky Water

2. Chocolate Bone

3. A Wrinkle in Crime

4. Stay Still

5. Look Inside and Play

6. Body Trouble

7. Moisten my Bread

8. Bob Job

9. Thorny Morning

10. Hum Louder

11. Don't Wake Up

12. I Can Hear Your ****

13. Listen to My Touch

14. Sensitive Stars

15. Share The Pickle

16. Fish and Chips Massage

17.  Danger Candy

18. Back Pocket Front Pocket

19. Shamehouse

20. Donkey Door
21. Tight Push
22. Leaking Soul Hole
23. Fill my Love Cup
24. Mysterious Fingers
25. Moaning Flower

AND MANY MORE!!!

In stores now

My opinion, top 10 best and worst films of all time

Best:

10. Philip Glass a Portrait in 12 Parts
9. Toy Story 3
8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
7. Taxi Driver
6. Wet Hot American Summer 
5. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
4. Casino
3. Shawshank Redemption
2. Fight Club
1. Adaptation

Adaptation Clip:

Worst:

10. Grapes of Wrath
9. The Proposal
8.  Simon Birtch
7. John Tucker Must Die
6. Jumper
5. The Punisher
4. Lady in the Water
3. Batman & Robin
2. Maid in Manhattan

1. Smart House

Smart House Clip:

 

Built to Spill - Paper Planes

Good Stuff.

Popeye does steroids.

I didn't care enough about this stupid sketch to make it proportional.  Done in MS Paint.

Leaked naked photo of Mr. Magoo!

Cremis Twins Free Guide to Manners

Here's a video I made a while ago using Google images.  Sorry the sound quality is kind of shitty (as well as the whole video its self).

The Cremis Twins Free Guide to Manners - watch more funny videos

Seinfeld Spec Scene

Note: I wrote this a long time ago before learning proper television formatting.

If you want to write for television, you often need a spec script - a sample of a script for an existing television series that you wrote to demonstrate your abilities to construct a coherent story and dialogue.  I chose to write a spec script for Seinfeld.  Here is a sample scene.

INT. JERRY’S APT.

[Jerry stands in his kitchen with the phone to his ear. George sits silently on the couch reading a magazine.]

Jerry: Are you trying to tell me that I ate three helpings of dog meat?  I thought it was corned beef hash!... Why didn’t you tell me?... Well of course I wouldn’t have eaten it if I knew if was dog meat!  I wish you would have told me! Aaah, forget it!

[Jerry hangs up.]

George: What was that all about?

Jerry: It was my mother, lying about meat products again.

George: The last person who lied about meat to me was that hooker in Times Square, I should have known that wasn’t a bratwurst in her pocket.  Turns out it was a penis (snort laugh).

Jerry: So how did your date go with Lisa?

George: Not so good. She said the whole “bald thing” bothers her.  I told her I could wear a wig but she insisted that if it’s not my real hair then I am SHIT OUTTA LUCK!

[Elaine enters]

Elaine: Please tell me you have toilet paper.

Jerry: Sure, I got a whole bunch of Charmin, what’s wrong?

Elaine: Ugh, you would not BELIEVE how much diarrhea I’ve had today.  Just now as I was walking here I had to stop and drop a load in a KFC, only to find that there was…

Jerry: No Charmin?

Elaine: No Charmin.

George: Don’t tell me it was the KFC on 34^th!

[Elaine looks guilty and ashamed]

Jerry: You mean to tell me you walked ten blocks completely unsanitary?... Unbelievable. 

George: What the fuck is wrong with you, why didn’t you just go into another bathroom?

[Frustrated, Elaine storms into the bathroom]

George: What got into her?

Jerry: I’m more concerned about what came out.

[Kramer bursts through the door, unlit cigar in hand]

Kramer: Jerry I got it!

Jerry: (Sarcastically) Oh boy, here we go.

Kramer: Hair Today, Here Tomorrow.

Jerry: What?

Kramer: It’s the name of my new business – get a load of this Jerry – a service where people can grow out their hair then cut it, send it to a wig company where they dye it any color you like and then get it sent back so they can have a wig of their own hair in the color they always wanted, it’s brilliant!

[Elaine walks out of the bathroom]

Kramer: Elaine, let me ask you a professional question…

Elaine: Sure.

Kramer: Does the carpet match the drapes?

Elaine: I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?

[Elaine strips down nude and strikes a pose]

Kramer: (Shocked) GIDDY UP!

Jerry: Oh for cryin’ out loud.

[George ponders then has an epiphany]

George: That’s it… I could turn my carpet into a wig and then Lisa would have no reason to object to me because it would be my real hair! 

[George stands up, excited]

George: Kramer you’re a genius!

Kramer: Well I wouldn’t argue with that (bites cigar and smiles).

END SCENE   

Jared Fogle's Memoir, Volume I