Dude... teach me.

How to leave a voicemail message like a pro.

This is what shows up if you type "cool" into the Microsoft Clip Art search

This is probably my favorite music video of all time

The Far Side Tribute

The best and only comic strip I read as a kid.  Here are some favorites that I could fine online.

Check out the crazy high-fiving skills at 2:20

10 more ridiculous names that are borderline believable

1. Nelty Candlecut
2. Boris Junglebone
3. Dulk Harmwater
4. Cunn Tuntman
5. Barina Sadsack
6. Dr. Thirsty
7. Arnold Fingersand
8. Christmas Flaphammer
9. Vostalgia Bagstacker
10. Runkel J. Tumblebee

Who better than Bill Gates to discover that computers and ecstasy don't mix?

Here is a re-enactment of a typical morning for me after blacking out

Animal thoughts.

Non-English English song

An Italian singer wrote a song of English gibberish, to show what English sounds like to people who don't know the language.  Its pretty funky I like it.

Freshmen

It's getting close to that time here at Alpha Tau Omega when we have to start recruiting freshmen for rush.  But whenever I talk to a freshman, all they seem to want to do is tell me how much beer they can drink and how many chicks they have banged.  So I decided what we should do is make a spreadsheet of all our freshman prospects, and next to their names have a column of how many beers they say they drink in a night, and the next column for how many chicks they say they have banged.  We could also put another column for how many times they can fit the word "fuck" into a sentence:

	Freshmen Prospects
Name	# Beers	# Chicks	# "fuck" in sentence.
Jo	45	102	12
Steven	100	100	19
Danny	86	457	17
Carl	200 1/2	4000	9

Then we'll make a graph and choose our pledges based on the outcome.

And there you go!  No more debating over who should be in and who should be out, it's all right there.

Business Touching - Do's and Don'ts

Watch out ladies, this guy's got quanfidence and he's gonna use it.

Q: When did dinosaurs rule the world? A: 1992-1996

No more friends blinking in photos!

Don't you hate it when you take a picture with your friends and one of them blinks so they have their eyes closed in the photo?  Me too, so I decided to fix the problem with Photoshop's new "closed eye" feature.

If they had Facebook profiles...

If these characters had Facebook profiles, this is how I most honestly think they would fill them out.

Jafar

Basic Information

Current City:

Somewhere in Saudi Arabia

Sex:

Male

Interested In:

Women

Looking For:

Dating

Networking

Political Views:

Tyranny

Religious Views:

Agnostic

Likes and Interests

Activities:

Sorcery, Salton Operations, recruiting labor and sex slaves

Interests:

Black Magic, hypnosis, precious stones, antique artifacts

Music:

Danny Elfman, Radiohead, Bjork

Books:

The Power of Persuasian, Think and Grow Rich, Revelations

Movies:

The Count of Monte Cristo, Amadeus, Scarface

Television:

The Tudors, Nip/Tuck

Favorite Quotes:

"There is no crime greater to mankind than to blindly hold one man's creed as higher than your own." - Neitzche

Kosmo Kramer

  

Basic Information

Current City:

New York, New York

Sex:

Male

Interested In:

Women

Looking For:

Whatever I can get

Political Views:

Communist

Religious Views:

Scientologist

Likes and Interests

Activities:

Buying and selling, entrepreneurship

Interests:

Cigars, experimentation, gambling, crystal meth

Music:

African Tribal, Jimmy Buffet

Books:

Worst Case Scenario series, The Power of Now, The Coffee Table Book

Movies:

Caddyshack, Anything by Stanley Kubrick

Television:

McGuiver, X-Files, How it's Made

Favorite Quotes:

"Dry-cleaning? You can't clean something dry!  There's gotta be some kinda liquid back there!" - Jerry

Squidward

Basic Information

Current City:
Bikini Bottom

Sex:
Male

Interested In:
Men

Looking For:
A Relationship

Political Views:
Compassionate Conservative

Religious Views:
Athiest

Likes and Interests

Activities:
Cleaning my house, working at the Crusty Crab, neighborhood watch

Interests:
Bubble baths, playing the clarinet, painting, interior design

Music:
Kenny G, Enya, IL Divo

Books:
Eat Pray Love, Tuesdays with Morri

Movies:
Chocolate, You've Got Mail, Seabiscut

Television:
Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives, Two and a Half Men

Favorite Quotes:

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."


   



Doug Funny

Basic Information

Current City:

Bluffington

Sex:

Male

Interested In:

Women

Looking For:

Friendship

Political Views:

Undecided

Religious Views:

Jewish

Likes and Interests

Activities:

Making it through junior high (lol)

Interests:

Day dreaming, nervous sweating, drawing

Music:

THE BEETS!!!, Smashmouth, Will Smith

Books:

Robin Hood, Twilight (only finished half cause it got too scary!!)

Movies:

The Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer, Spider-Man 3

Televisison:

Heroes, McGuiver

Favorite Quotes:

"Very expensive!" - Mr. Dink






ZORDON



Basic Information

Hometown:

Silicon Valley

Sex:

Male Facade

Interested in:

Asexual

Looking For:

Networking

Political Views:

Utopia

Religious Views:

Agnostic

Likes and Interests

Activities:

Receiving information on world destruction, proccessing data, managing the rangers (no not the hockey team)

Interests:

The internet, world peace, world of warcraft

Music:

Hot Chip, The Chemical Brothers, Electro

Books:

Zordon for Dummies

Movies:

Tron

Television:

Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek

Favorite Quotes:

"011001100 11001010 0010011"

The Dumb Joey's of the 90's

Remember in the 90's when is was cool to be dumb?  Especially if your name was Joey.  Here are some of my favorite dumb Joey's of the 90's.

Joey Tribbiani. 

Remember how much he liked sandwiches?  All he would have to do was say "sandwiches" in a sentence and the audience would just lose it.

Joey Gladstone. 

Did he move in with the Tanners because he wasn't mature enough to support himself on his own?  DJ must have had a real handful baby-sitting Michelle, Stephanie AND uncle Joey all at the same time.

Joey Lawrence.

I don't  know.  I didn't watch Blossom.  I thought that show sucked.

Joey Buttafuco.

Fuck this guy.

Jeff Dunham

Fuck this guy too.

Name Changes

thinking of changing my name to either...

Evinal Berson

Evy Nalberson

Evan L. Berson

E. Vinelb Hurson

E. Van Helburson

Evan, Elber's son

Evani Yellberson

Or

Ev N.L. Burson

Best part of video at 0:46